just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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