Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
