your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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