My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
