you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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