woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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