Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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