Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
