Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
