Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
