I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
