so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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