So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
