Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
