I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
