Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
