She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
