fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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