I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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