I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
