Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
