if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
