he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
