batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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