she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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