Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
