He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
