You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
