Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
