Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
