This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My bed smells like the plague
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
