and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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