lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
