The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So vagazzling was a success
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
