just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
