Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
