I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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