I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
