the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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