Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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