we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
