i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
