I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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