I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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