Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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