you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
