Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
