Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
