She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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