Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
